Estimated Reading Time: 8 mins
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Introduction
One of the most difficult aspects of healing from trauma is learning to forgive the person who caused the hurt.
And sometimes, that can also include you.
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Traumatising experiences can be difficult to overcome, and as time passes, it’s possible to ‘feel’ as though you’ve moved on.
In many cases, however, we tend to overlook the need for forgiveness.
Instead, many of us will choose to bury those experiences, hoping we can keep them deeply hidden within the corners of our mental archives.
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On reflection, I once believed that facing my experiences meant bringing them back to life.
My fear stemmed from the worry that I’d be pulled into the same emotional turmoil I felt at the time.
By avoiding a meaningful process of healing, I believed I was protecting myself, when in reality, the opposite was true.
The buried pain lingered beneath the surface — subtly at first, but more noticeably as time went on.
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The Strength of Surrender
It may feel hard to do, but the benefits of forgiveness far outweigh the emotional cost of holding on.
Did you know that the impact of unresolved trauma and lingering resentment are so significant that they can be linked to physical illness?
Here’s an article from Psychology Today that explores this connection further.
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Our body is a powerful indicator of our emotional and mental state.
People who spend most of their lives feeling optimistic and cheerful tend to live longer than those who carry persistent emotional pain and pessimism.
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Holding onto trauma and pain subconsciously hinders our ability to live to our full potential.
In contrast, practising forgiveness and releasing that pain allows us to unburden ourselves, clear our minds, and live without unnecessary limitations.
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Harboured resentment offers nothing of value.
It only serves to pull us backwards, leaving us to live a future dictated by the projections of our past.
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The Cost of Holding On
Consider it from this perspective.
When people do us harm, it can be likened to a perpetrator shooting someone.
The perpetrator walks away unscathed, while the victim is left behind suffering in agony.
That victim may feel as though their life is slipping away unless they receive immediate care.
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When we harbour the resentments of our past, it’s like being the wounded victim who refuses the very help needed to remove the bullet.
The longer we cling to the pain, the longer the bullet remains, and the more damage it causes over time.
Meanwhile, the perpetrator has already left the scene, unharmed and likely unbothered.
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When we refuse to forgive and hold onto bitterness, we unintentionally give perpetrators power over our lives.
They may no longer be present to dictate our daily actions, but the emotional residue we carry prevents us from building a life rooted in genuine peace.
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Resentment’s Quiet Impact
Emotional pain can quietly shape how we navigate through life and affects how we connect with others.
We might unknowingly build protective walls to keep ourselves from being hurt again.
This can lead us to judging prematurely, without offering others the space or opportunity to show us who they truly are.
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Our view of the world can become distorted, and we may live with a subconscious fear, anticipating that good experiences will be short-lived.
Fight-or-flight mode may stay constantly on standby, leaving us in a persistent state of anxiety.
Being open and vulnerable can feel challenging, especially when trust no longer seems safe.
Real relaxation may start to feel like an underserved privilege.
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Everything I’ve just described reflects the life I once lived.
One shaped by unresolved resentment.
It was an unfortunate way of being that became my everyday reality.
Yet without those experiences and the work required to improve my life, I wouldn’t be able to support others in the way I do now.
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There will always be a light at the end of even the darkest tunnels.
The key is not allowing ourselves to remain stuck without giving ourselves the chance to reach that better end.
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Freedom You Deserve
Today, I’m encouraging you to consider the benefits of forgiveness.
My hope is that the perspective I’ve shared helps you recognise its value and you feel inspired to apply it, gaining a deeper sense of freedom in your wellbeing just as I have.
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The way your journey has unfolded may naturally create some hesitation, but I encourage you to choose yourself.
The perpetrator may not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve the right to free your soul from anguish — to live unhindered as you work towards happiness without restraint.
The pursuit of inner healing has the power to open the path to a more meaningful life.
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My own path to true healing began with seeking God first, because I needed grace.
In the midst of the hurt, my human nature desired He strike down my foes.
Yet I chose to pursue what would become a better path because I simply longed to be free.
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Attending therapy and speaking with someone neutral allowed me to work through my experiences in a safe, guided space without judgement.
So seek God, show up for you, and lean on the support that’s within reach.
Everything combined is how we begin to prioritise ourselves and invest in the future we deserve.
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Summary
Much of the trauma I experienced took place during my childhood.
If you relate, there’s a book I’d like to recommend that I found particularly insightful: Healing the Child within by Charles L Whitfield.
It explores childhood trauma in depth, offering a greater level of understanding that I believe can genuinely support the healing process.
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Reprogramming our way of thinking is a long-term commitment that we must intentionally choose.
The impact on our wellbeing can be profound and shouldn’t be overlooked.
Choose forgiveness, release resentment, and set your spirit free.
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye — Colossians 3:13
