Estimated Reading Time: 12 mins
Introduction
Body confidence & self-confidence are closely intertwined, but in my view, they can also exist independently.
I say this because improving my self-confidence helped elevate my body confidence.
Image by Gustavo Fring on pexels
We all have insecurities, both great and small, and social media has become a mechanism through which many fall into the trap of comparison — subconsciously intensifying existing concerns.
Whether it’s our height, weight, or even the shape of our ears or nose, many of us wish we could change certain aspects of ourselves.
The way we scrutinise ourselves often becomes a leading influence on how others perceive us.
Image by freepik
Innately, we tend to be our own worst critics, but it’s how we manage those negative thoughts that really matters.
Our goal should always be to accept who we are, while aligning ourselves with productive thinking and reinforcing it through intentional action.
Image by RDNE Stock project on pexels
The Real View in the Mirror
In my younger years, I avoided cameras at all costs and loathed my smile, feeling deeply self-conscious about my cleft lip and palate.
Without realising, I later allowed this insecurity to dictate my life.
Over time I grew out of that mindset and began boldly plastering myself online, with my face naturally becoming the main feature.
Image by Elizaveta Mitenkova on pexels
What was once a serious fear had become a key driver behind my decision to act on my ambitions.
I knew there were others like me, and that by acting, I could inspire them to pursue their own calling, regardless of any perceived inadequacies.
Image by Mikhail Nilov on pexels
Growing up with cleft lip and palate, I underwent multiple surgeries through the NHS.
Over time I came to realise that it wasn’t the condition itself that defined me.
It was how I viewed myself, and that ultimately influenced how others saw me too.
I learned to accept and embrace how I looked because, although the surgeries brought improvement, they never led to a perfect ‘fix’.
Image by Rocketmann Team on pexels
After my final surgery at age 20, I was told I could request further revisions in future if my self-esteem was affected.
Despite having that option available, I came to realise that no amount of surgery could alter my perception of self, because ultimately, the beliefs I held mattered most.
If I could see and believe in my own beauty, others would too.
Image by jcomp/freepik
A Transition in Perspective
I worked my way from one end of the confidence spectrum, low self-esteem, to the other, learning to love myself while still living with cleft lip and palate.
Nothing changed, except my mindset.
Image by Alexas Fotos on pexels
Loving yourself is fundamental to a fulfilled life.
We have no control over the body, face, and image we’re given, so we can either allow our insecurities to bring us down, or choose to make what we have work in our favour.
Image by Shvets production on pexels
It’s a process of practicing gratitude for who we are because we’re not carbon copies of anyone else, and each of us carries unique value.
There is only one you and that matters more than we often realise.
Image by freepik
If I had continued to hold a negative perception of myself, my online presence would not exist.
I often think about people like you.
Those who may find inspiration in the content I share, women navigating challenges related to PMDD, and those striving to find a better path in life.
Image by pch vector on magnific
If I had continued being caught up in how I looked, that fear would have silenced my voice, burying the person I was created to become.
Being self-conscious and feeling low about our appearance can affect far more than how we feel, it can ripple into other areas of our lives and neutralise our potential.
Image by karlyukav/freepik
Beyond Appearances
You may feel hesitant about being seen, or hold yourself back from pursuing something you’re passionate about out of fear of being in the spotlight.
That same fear prevented me from making any real progress from 2014 until 2022, when I finally decided to start filming.
Image by kaboompics.com on pexels
Low self-esteem may also affect how you feel in your job.
For example, if your role involves interaction with others, increased exposure may heighten your awareness of your insecurities.
Image by KamranAydinov on magnific
Additionally, the way we feel about ourselves can be contagious because when we lack confidence, we project that energy which others can sense.
Although we shouldn’t, we often judge based on what we see, meaning how we view ourselves can shape how others perceive us.
Image by drazen zigic/freepik
Have you ever met someone and formed an initial negative impression of them?
Yet, as you spoke to them and got to know them better, you began to warm to them and almost subconsciously, your perception of their physical appearance improved?
I’ve always found this fascinating.
Image by mego-studio on magnific
What it showed me is that beauty does lie in the eye of the beholder, but what the beholder sees is fashioned and influenced by a person’s energy and perception of themselves.
When I believed I was unattractive, everything about my body language and overall presence reflected that.
I sensed that others could feel it even if they didn’t say it out loud — my own nervousness often made them uneasy too.
Image by pvproductions on magnific
The formula hasn’t changed.
People predominantly see me the way I see myself.
What has changed, however, is how I view myself and in turn, the way others interact with me has shifted.
Image by freepik
The Balance Between Acceptance & Growth
In my post ‘Taking Yourself Seriously’, I reflected on a time when I was seriously overweight and chose to embrace it, yet I later realised that this kind of misplaced confidence was enabling my own stagnation.
Self-love is essential, and I stand by that.
However, if we recognise areas in our lives that need improvement for the sake of our health and wellbeing, we should always act on it.
Image by freepik
In that post, I spoke specifically about weight, but the principle applies to every area of life.
Life should be a constant cycle of ‘becoming’, ensuring we are always elevating, which in turn strengthens our levels of self-worth.
Image by racool_studio/freepik
In today’s world, if you have the financial means, and there’s something about your body you don’t like, you can choose to change it.
While this works for some, for many, it simply isn’t an option.
I’ve watched several programmes exploring cosmetic surgery and the journeys of those who chose it.
What I found particularly interesting in some cases is that many people who undergo these procedures often go on to repeat the same surgery or identify new issues they feel requires work.
Image by DC studio/freepik
Most of us will have seen the US TV show ‘Botched’.
The individuals featured often had previous procedures that went wrong, leading them to seek the help of specialist surgeons to correct these issues and restore their confidence.
In other cases, there are guests who already appear to have had multiple procedures, yet still feel there is more to improve.
Image by stefamerpik on magnific
Across both groups, I found the underlying theme was self-confidence, perception of self, or often a combination of the two.
For those seeking to fix a previously botched procedure, it deeply affected how they saw themselves.
For others who had already undergone multiple procedures, the underlying issue was much the same — their perception of self.
Image by pikisuperstar on magnific
When it comes to cosmetic surgery, I believe everyone has the right to make the choices they feel are best for them.
However, I will always advocate for it to be considered as a last resort.
I say this because when you’ve made the effort to try things on your own, your decision is less likely to be impulsive.
By that point, you will have given it serious thought and carried out the necessary research.
Image by freepik
I’ve digressed slightly, but in essence, if you’re not happy with something, try to do what you can to change it, while embracing who you are and who you become through the process.
Caring for your appearance isn’t about vanity, rather, it’s about self-perception, self-confidence, and how we value ourselves.
Image by gpointstudio/freepik
Summary
There are many factors that contribute to confidence overall.
As mentioned earlier, body confidence and self-confidence often go hand in hand, so it’s important to strive to be the best version of yourself for the sake of your wellbeing.
Image by rawpixel.com on magnific
When you love yourself, you take care of yourself.
And when you take care of yourself, how you feel about yourself improves.
It becomes a cycle, with each feeding into the other, but the foundation will always be rooted in your mindset and perception.
Image by freepik
Pay attention to the external, but the internal work is critically important.
Whether you’re already confident or still a work in progress, you must continuously speak life into yourself.
Even if you don’t believe it at first, act in faith by speaking and thinking it anyway and back it up with intentional action.
Over time, your belief will grow until it becomes real — then others will believe it too.
