Estimated Reading Time: 9 Mins
Introduction
When you’re experiencing PMDD symptoms, making rational decisions can be extremely difficult.
To illustrate what I mean, below are a few examples of the situational questions I’ve faced throughout my PMDD journey.
Should I, or shouldn’t I?
Do I simply want this, or do I genuinely need this?
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Is this truly my person, or am I settling for convenience and are my feelings for them really what I believe them to be?
Do I genuinely feel this job isn’t right for me, or are my symptoms distorting my perception of what’s actually happening?
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Decision making when you’re a woman who experiences PMDD can affect all areas of life.
Some degree of emotional fluctuation is to be expected when facing life decisions, such as uncertainty or brief bouts of anxiety.
For those of us with this condition, however, these emotional responses become far more heightened during our symptomatic days.
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When we lean into the intensity of emotionally charged symptoms while making important life decisions, the consequences can be life-altering.
Before I began fighting the condition, my life was unhinged.
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The Stability I Couldn’t Find
Life decisions that arose during my PMDD episodes were often met with impulsive, reactional choices that later proved detrimental.
You may have heard me discuss this in one of my previous posts ‘PMDD & Finance’.
In that article, I explain how my finances spiralled due to the impact of symptomatic-led responses.
Along the way, I also realised just how much I struggled to maintain stable employment throughout the years.
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Usual work stress during PMDD weeks would feel unbearable.
Unable to cope with the demands of my job, I would quickly sink into feelings of overwhelm, emotional vulnerability, and a profound sense of anxiety and failure.
For a long time, my condition caused me a great deal of embarrassment and shame.
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Why was I struggling so badly to do the things other people did with such ease?
Frustratingly, this struggle only occurred during the worst of my symptoms.
Going through this cycle of despair each month would often lead me to the same inaccurate conclusion — that the job wasn’t for me.
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And so, I’d leave and move onto the next only to eventually experience the above all over again.
Unsurprisingly, the effects and cumulative impact led to a very busy and fragmented CV, reflecting the instability of my mind at the time.
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Seeking Safety Over Connection
Dating was particularly problematic for me.
As I fluctuated between my usual self and the full force of PMDD, my perception of potential partners often shifted as well.
One moment I’d admire everything about them and find myself reflecting on the joy they brought to my life.
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During PMDD weeks, however, I’d feel an extra sense of emotional vulnerability.
I would take things deeply to heart, feeling intensely rejected, yet at other times become disproportionately irritated and emotionally detached.
Consequently, I didn’t desire a lifelong relationship, marriage, or kids — because somehow, I felt undeserving.
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Minimal attachment situations began to feel like the safest option.
This was particularly true when a potential partner’s availability aligned with the lifestyle constraints created by PMDD.
It wasn’t healthy.
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I was jeopardising connections with real potential and on a few occasions subconsciously inflicting hurt on others in the process.
The condition heavily influenced the decisions I made about my life, often to the detriment of my overall wellbeing.
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A Different Way to Respond
Life with this condition will mean facing decisions repeatedly, often under immense emotional strain.
As I mentioned at the start, it’s probably one of the more difficult areas of life to balance with each episode.
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So how do we implement effective and safe decision-making amidst the worst of our symptoms?
I’d like to share three approaches that I personally use and encourage you to consider as you move forward.
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No. 1
I approach the situation from an outsider’s perspective, basing my decision on the advice my logical self would give to someone experiencing the same symptoms.
- Essentially, we’re judging the situation as though it relates to someone we love, as we’re more likely to overlook how we feel and focus on the best solution possible.
- It requires us to think proactively in a way that deliberately disregards PMDD-influenced emotions which is easier to do when seeking the welfare of someone close.
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No. 2
Do nothing.
Yes, really.
If the symptoms are so severe that rational decision-making feels compromised, I avoid making any decisions at all — not until my PMDD episode has passed.
- Whether it’s been financial, relationship based, work-related or the like — if it can wait, I’d rather do nothing in the moment than do something I later regret.
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No. 3
Seek advice — from someone who understands the condition, genuinely cares about your wellbeing, and has your best interests at heart.
- Most people will confide in others when facing life problems, but for those of us with PMDD, having someone we can rely on during periods of vulnerability is priceless.
- Personally, if I’m struggling with either of the first two approaches, seeking the opinion or advice of a trusted loved one can be invaluable.
- Having someone who see’s things more clearly than I do, and who can offer guidance that prevents me from jeopardising my life, goes a long way.
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Summary
Struggling with decisions when you have PMDD doesn’t make you weak, an embarrassment, or a failure.
We’re simply women placed in the position of having to survive ourselves each month.
I know you may not feel like it, but that alone makes you a hero in your own right.
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Most people will encounter periods of depression, anxiety, or emotional hardship at some point in their lives.
For us, however, those battles return month after month.
You’re far stronger than you probably give yourself credit for.
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In many ways, I’ve become the person I am today because of my continued fight with this condition.
Monthly challenges remain, but living with this condition has given me a depth of resilience that allows me to manage things many others cannot.
Knowing that keeps me fighting because overall, I’ve greatly developed in ways I never thought possible.
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Leave your PMDD-driven decisions of the past exactly where they belong — in the past.
Focus on who you are today and the person you aspire to become on the journey that lies ahead.
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Even if there are setbacks along the way, don’t beat yourself up over them.
You’re living a life that most people will never truly understand.
For all you’ve endured, it’s time to make your life count — so let’s do exactly that.
