Estimated Reading Time: 6 mins
Introduction
Managing relationships when you’re someone who deals with PMDD can be quite the challenge.
When we’re experiencing the symptoms, it’s easy to deflect our emotions onto the people closest to us, simply because they’re frequently present.
During the onset of the condition, we can experience unusual levels of irritation, anger, and a lack of patience amongst many others which can lead to unintentional outburst towards those who love us most.
Consequently, we may jeopardise the relationships we have and in severe cases, those who love us may feel they have no choice but to distance themselves for the sake of their own wellbeing.
Such individuals may usually form our support system. If they become recipients of the negative behavioural traits we exude associated with our symptoms month on month, eventually, they are likely to feel emotionally depleted.
It is therefore crucial that we draw a level of consciousness to how our PMDD-related behaviours may be affecting them in order to encourage and sustain healthy relationships.
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Reversing The Roles
I was in a relationship with someone who suffered from a mental health difficulty many years ago. They hadn’t been formally diagnosed when we first met.
Their erratic and frequent behavioural changes towards me, plus my own life with PMDD is why I felt they were dealing with something rather significant.
Unsurprisingly, as time progressed, I became their emotional punching bag until eventually, after numerous episodes across the span of our relationship, I had had enough.
My decision to leave them was tough. I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I very much still loved them, but I loved myself more and valued my own wellbeing.
Dealing with PMDD on its own was already a battle in itself so I couldn’t cope any longer with the additional emotional drainage.
The most impactful factor in my decision however, was they didn’t have a genuine desire to take real action in dealing with their condition once they were formally diagnosed.
To help someone who didn’t want to help themselves was a war I just knew I’d never win.
Image by ketut subiyanto/pexels
I had already self-diagnosed my PMDD at the time we met so they knew of the difficulties I faced with my condition. As a result of that, I always made a conscious effort not to allow my condition to impact them or our relationship.
I’d think through things twice to avoid taking any action based off the unpredictable emotions during my bad weeks.
At our point of meeting, I was already in the process of researching things I could do to help improve life with PMDD. Experimenting with diet changes, physical activity, and filtering content consumption were a few of the things I implemented.
The point is, I was always doing something about my condition because I wanted to contribute to a fruitful, loving relationship.
Any level of effort for themselves and our relationship was absent on their end, and that became the eventual deal breaker. Any type of mental health condition can be difficult to deal with but there has to be a willingness and desire to want and seek better.
If not, our condition can affect those outside of us and it’s better to have the support of others then none at all. A conscientious effort to sustain meaningful relationships is necessary, for everyone involved.
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Consider All Perspectives
I’ve previously read posts on the Reddit and Quora platforms from the partners of women with PMDD seeking support because they felt at wits end with their relationships, due to how their partners condition affects them.
Reading these posts is why I decided to write this particular blog and I’ve previously shared a video on helpful things a partner should know when dating a woman with PMDD here.
If you’re dating someone with PMDD, or perhaps you’re a friend or family member of a woman with PMDD, I would kindly entreat you to exert as much patience as possible.
Even if this woman in your life is taking her own steps to help manage her condition, it’s going to take some time before the fruits of her labour manifest in her life.
It involves a lot of trial and error (said from my own experience in finding what worked for me).
Image by alex green/pexels
During this time, we just need continued support and patience. My own family extended such grace whilst I endured the ups and downs of my own journey, and today, they’re proud of my progress.
They see the way I manage the condition has changed dramatically and they now get to experience the real me, more often.
If you’re someone who deals with PMDD, as I mentioned at the start, I encourage you to do everything possible to exert a higher level of consciousness around the way you may behave towards others during those difficult days.
As you feel certain emotions, talk it out with them in that moment. Let them know exactly how you’re feeling and acknowledge that you’re aware it’s the condition.
Having these candid conversations with our nearest and dearest can always bring unexpected relief.
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Final Thoughts
As a rule of thumb, avoid impulsive actions during PMDD weeks.
I now act according to knowing whether my action is the right thing to do, and I take the time to judge if it would typically be my response should the conditions symptoms be absent.
It takes repeated practice and patience, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. It’s a method I use that has indirectly been training my brain, whilst minimising my impulsive tendencies.
Always begin with the right actions and let your emotions follow that lead. It’s easier said than done but believe me, if you continue, it can become a habit that indirectly restructures the effects of PMDD on your life.
Image by pavel-danilyuk-on/pexels
Your loved ones likely care for you deeply. They see and know the real you that flourishes when PMDD is absent. Don’t allow the condition to jeopardise the relationships you have. The real you has every right to be the main feature in your life.
In my book club page, I’ve reviewed a particular book which has really helped me in training my mind called ‘The Power of Your Subconscious Mind’.
I encourage you to obtain a copy for yourself so you can experience what has become my new normal because your wellbeing and relationships are worth the effort.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1
