Estimated Reading Time: 13 mins
Introduction
Managing relationships while living with PMDD can be challenging at times.
When symptoms are at their peak, it’s easy to project our emotions onto those closest to us.
We can experience heightened levels of irritability, anger, and impatience, which can sometimes lead to unintentional outburst — especially towards those we interact with most.
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Consequently, we risk damaging our relationships which only serves to impact us further.
Ironically, the people most affected by our condition are often the very same people who form our support system.
However, if they repeatedly find themselves on the receiving end of the negative behaviours associated with our symptoms, they too can become emotionally exhausted over time.
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They may feel it’s necessary to create some distance for the sake of their own wellbeing.
It is therefore crucial that we develop an awareness of how our PMDD-related behaviours may affect those around us.
Our priority should always be to nurture and sustain the loving relationships we have.
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Learning from the Other Side
I was in a relationship many years ago with someone who was living with a mental health difficulty.
They had not received a formal diagnosis when we first met.
Their frequent and unpredictable changes in behaviour, led me to believe they were dealing with something far more significant than either of us initially understood.
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Unsurprisingly, as time progressed, I found myself absorbing the brunt of their emotional struggles.
Eventually, after numerous episodes throughout the course of our relationship, I had reached my limit.
My decision to leave was incredibly difficult.
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I wasn’t leaving because I wanted to, I was leaving because I felt I’d been left with no choice.
I very much still loved them, but I loved myself more and valued my own wellbeing.
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Managing PMDD on its own was already a battle, and I could no longer cope with the additional emotional drainage.
The deciding factor in my decision, however, was that after receiving a formal diagnosis, they showed little genuine desire to take meaningful action in addressing their condition.
To help someone who wasn’t willing to help themselves, was a war I knew I’d never win.
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When Love Meets Exhaustion
I had already self-diagnosed my PMDD by the time we met so they were already aware of what I faced.
As a result of that, I made a conscious effort not to allow my symptoms to negatively impact them or our relationship.
During more difficult weeks, I would often think things through carefully before acting.
This helped me avoid making decisions based solely on the unpredictability of my emotions.
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By the time we met, I was already researching ways to improve my quality of life.
Experimenting with dietary changes, increasing my physical activity, and being more intentional about the content I consumed were just a few of the strategies I implemented.
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The point is, I was always taking steps to better manage my condition because I wanted to contribute positively to a healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationship.
A lack of effort towards both their own wellbeing and its impact on our relationship ultimately became the deal-breaker.
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Living with a mental health condition can be difficult to navigate.
However, we should have a genuine willingness to seek help, pursue growth, and strive for a better quality of life.
If not, the effects of our condition are likely to extend beyond us and impact those we love, and having their support is far better than facing the struggle alone.
For that reason, a conscious effort to nurture and sustain our most meaningful relationships is essential for everyone involved.
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Lessons in Perspective
I’ve previously come across posts on Reddit and Quora written by the partners of women living with PMDD.
Many were seeking support because they felt at their wits end, struggling to cope with the impact the condition was having on their relationships.
Reading those accounts was one of the reasons I decided to write this post and create this hopefully helpful video.
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If you’re dating a woman with PMDD, or are a friend or family member supporting someone with the condition, I would gently encourage you to exercise as much patience and understanding as possible.
Even when she is actively taking steps to manage her condition, meaningful change will take time, and the benefits of those efforts are unlikely to appear overnight.
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Speaking from personal experience, the journey often involves a considerable amount of trial and error before we discover what works best.
During that time, what we need most is your continued support.
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My own family extended exactly that grace whilst I navigated the ups and downs during the worst of my journey.
Today, they feel it was worth it because of the progress I’ve been able to make as they now get to experience the real me more often.
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If you live with PMDD, I encourage you to do everything within your power to develop a greater awareness of how your symptoms may influence your behaviour towards others.
As difficult emotions begin to surface, try talking them through with someone you trust in that moment.
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Be open about how you’re feeling and acknowledge that you recognise the condition may be influencing your emotional state.
Having these honest conversations with the people closest to us can often bring a sense of relief, whilst also fostering greater understanding, patience, and support.
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Building Better — One Choice at a Time
To help minimise the impact of your symptoms I’d encourage you to avoid making impulsive decisions during your PMDD weeks.
These days, I take the time to consider whether a course of action genuinely aligns with my values and whether it would still feel like the right decision if my symptoms were absent.
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Repeated practice and patience are both required, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes.
This approach can help indirectly train our minds over time whilst reducing many of our impulsive tendencies.
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As a general rule of thumb, we should focus on taking the right actions first then allow our emotions to follow, rather than risk the consequences of doing the reverse.
Although easier said than done, consistent practice can gradually turn this approach into a habit that helps lessen the impact PMDD has on our lives.
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Summary
Your loved ones likely care for you deeply.
They know the real you, the version that flourishes when PMDD is absent.
Don’t allow the condition to undermine the relationships that matter most.
The real you deserves to be the dominant presence in your life, not the condition.
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On my book club page, I’ve reviewed a book that played a significant role in helping me develop a healthier mindset: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.
I highly encourage you to obtain a copy for yourself and explore the principles within.
The lessons it contains have helped shape what has become my new normal, and I truly believe the effort is worthwhile because your wellbeing, your relationships, and your quality of life deserve that investment.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1
