Estimated Reading Time: 5 mins
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Introduction
One of the most difficult aspects of releasing trauma is learning to forgive the person who caused the pain — and sometimes, that can include you.
Traumatising experiences can be difficult to overcome, and as time goes on, it’s possible to feel like you’ve moved on.
In many cases, however, we tend to overlook the need for forgiveness, choosing instead to bury those experiences deep within our mental archives.
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On reflection, I found that properly dealing with my experiences felt like bringing them back to life and subjecting myself to the same emotional turmoil I had felt at the time.
By avoiding the process, I believed I was protecting myself, when in reality, the opposite was true.
The buried pain continued to affect my life — subtly at first, but increasingly over time.
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Immeasurable Value
It’s a difficult step to take but the benefits of forgiveness far outweigh the emotional burden of holding on.
Did you know that unresolved trauma and lingering resentment can be linked to physical illness?
Here’s an article by Psychology Today that explores the connection.
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Our body is a key signal of our emotional and mental state.
Those who spend most of their lives being optimistic and cheerful tend to live longer than those who spend much of their time in emotional pain and pessimism.
This study by the National Library of Medicine offers an insightful overview.
Holding onto trauma and pain subconsciously hinders our ability to live up to our full potential, whereas releasing it allows us to unburden ourselves, free our minds, and live a life without hidden limitations.
There are no benefits that come with holding onto pain and resentment — they only serve to pull us backwards.
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Understanding The Impact
Think of it this way.
When people do us harm, it’s like a perpetrator shooting someone else with their gun.
The perpetrator walks away unharmed, while the injured individual is left lying in agony, feeling as though their life is slipping away unless they receive urgent medical assistance.
When we harbour the pain and resentment of our past, it’s like being the injured person who refuses to allow the bullet to be removed.
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The longer we hold onto the pain, the longer the bullet remains and the more damage it does over time.
Meanwhile, the perpetrator has left the scene unscathed.
When we refuse to forgive and we hold onto bitterness, we indirectly give perpetrators power over our lives.
They may no longer be present to dictate what we do on a daily basis, but the aftermath we carry continues to prevent us from living a life grounded in inner peace.
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Emotional pain can influence our perception of life and future relationships.
At times, we may subconsciously build emotional walls as a form of protection, and even judge others prematurely without giving them the opportunity to show us who they truly are.
Our view of the world can then become distorted, and we may unknowingly live with a subtle fear, anticipating that good experiences will be short-lived.
Fight-or-flight mode may remain constantly on standby, leaving us regularly feeling on edge.
Openness and vulnerability can become difficult, as trusting others no longer feels like a wise decision.
Real relaxation may feel like an underserved luxury overall.
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Everything I’ve just described is reflects the type of life I used to live, shaped by unresolved resentment — an unfortunate way of living that became my everyday reality.
Similarly, if it weren’t for these experiences and the work needed to improve my life, I wouldn’t be able to share or help others in the way I do.
There’s light at the end of the tunnel — so long as you don’t get stuck inside it.
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Pursuing Peace for Your Future
Today, I’m encouraging you to consider the benefits of forgiveness with the hopes that like me, you choose to implement it in your own life.
Depending on how your own journey has unfolded may create some hesitation, but I encourage you to choose you.
The perpetrator may not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve the right to free your soul from the bondage of pain and anguish — to live unhindered in your journey towards happiness.
The pursuit of inner healing can unlock the door of a more fulfilled life.
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My own path to true healing began with seeking God first, before I then spoke with someone — because I needed grace.
In the midst of the hurt, what I truly desired was for Him to strike my foes down. Yet, I chose a better path, because I longed to be free — to move forward in life without restriction.
I then attended counselling sessions and cognitive behavioural therapy — decisions that greatly contributed to my journey of growth.
So seek God and make use of the support available, because this is how we invest in prioritising ourselves and our future.
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Much of the trauma I experienced took place during my younger years.
If you experienced something similar, there’s a book that I found particularly insightful on my growth journey: Healing the Child within by Charles L Whitfield.
I’ve also listed it in my Book Club, as it explores the topic of childhood trauma deeply.
Redeveloping our way of thinking is a long-term commitment we must choose to make because the benefits it brings to our wellbeing is invaluable and shouldn’t be overlooked.
Choose forgiveness, release resentment, and set your spirit free.
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye — Colossians 3:13
