Estimated Reading Time: 13 mins
Introduction
Impulse buying was a habit I struggled with far more often than I’d like to admit.
At the time, however, I didn’t fully recognise just how much influence the condition had over my financial behaviour.
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In my mind, every purchase felt justified.
More often than not, I was purchasing things I believed would make me feel better.
For example, during my most difficult days, body dysmorphia would often become overwhelming.
So, in an attempt to lift my spirits, I would ‘treat’ myself.
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At other times, it was unhealthy takeaways driven by intense cravings.
In more serious instances, it was clothes I didn’t need or holidays I struggled to afford.
Either way, resisting those impulses became a monthly struggle until my finances eventually took a turn for the worst.
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I ended up falling prey to endless credit card offers, which gradually pulled me into a cycle of debt.
Although this chapter of my journey with PMDD took place years ago, I’m still working to restore the damage done.
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I’m hoping my shared experience helps you avoid finding yourself in similar circumstances.
For those who have been financially affected by PMDD, as I was, please know that you are not an anomaly.
With time, patience, and consistent effort, it is absolutely possible for you to repair what feels irreversible today.
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How It All Began
Let me take you back to the beginning.
Following my own self-diagnosis, I visited my GP to discuss my concerns.
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Like many women with PMDD, I was initially misdiagnosed and prescribed anti-depressants.
Eventually, after remaining persistent in my search for answers, I was referred to a gynaecologist and formally diagnosed.
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From there, different treatment and symptom-management approaches were trialled in an effort to provide relief.
The condition, however, did not become any easier to manage.
Many of the treatments I was prescribed, including various contraceptive pills, actually made my symptoms worse.
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I was advised to remain on treatment for up to six months at a time.
This explained why PMDD continued to have such significant impact, even after receiving formal diagnosis.
As we know, the symptoms can range from depression, anxiety, self-critical thoughts and hopelessness to severe fatigue, insomnia, hypersomnia, and many others.
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My spending habits were largely a reaction to the symptoms I was experiencing.
Body dysmorphia, in particular, would hit hardest on my worst days.
As a result, I would often act on anything I thought might help me feel better, rarely giving thought to the consequences.
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When Coping Became ‘Costly’
During my normal weeks, I felt completely comfortable and confident in my own skin.
However, when PMDD symptoms began to emerge, my perception of myself would be significantly distorted, despite nothing having actually changed.
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I’d look in the mirror and suddenly see flaws and imperfections that only days earlier, were non-existent.
This cycle of self-criticism would repeat itself month after month.
While I was busy professing how unattractive I was, I’d turn to buying the unhealthiest foods imaginable for comfort.
The pattern continued for years.
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The only remedies I knew were to give in to my food cravings and buy things I believed would help me feel better.
Whether it was clothes, new wigs, or skincare products, I convinced myself they would make a difference.
And I did it all on credit.
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Slowly, I found myself slipping further and further into financial difficulty.
What made the situation worse was that each month I’d review my previous spending and berate myself for it.
Emotionally, I felt like a complete failure.
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The regret was often compounded by the depression that accompanied PMDD.
Ironically, I’d then feel driven to spend even more as a way of coping with the emotional overwhelm.
Ultimately, it became a deeply destructive cycle in my life.
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If This Sounds Like You
By this point, it should be easier to understand how my finances gradually spiralled out of control.
My only saving grace was that despite the emotional spending, I remained highly disciplined when it came to managing my repayments.
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That said, I recognise there may be many women who have found themselves in a similar position.
Perhaps you’re also struggling with reactive spending habits whilst having little or no means of repaying what you’ve accumulated.
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In those instances, it’s best to contact your lender and agree an arrangement that is manageable for your circumstances.
That way, slowly over time, you’ll allow yourself to work your way back to a better place.
At the very least, putting a plan in place can help prevent the situation from worsening.
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The Price of Impulse
Getting myself into debt filled me with a deep sense of shame.
I felt as though I lacked self-discipline, questioned my own capabilities, and worried about how I would explain myself should I ever enter a serious relationship.
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After all, financial discussions inevitably arise in most relationships.
The shame I felt around having those conversations kept me from dating for quite some time.
It was a horrible way to live.
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Later, I came to believe that I was allowing the condition to dictate my life, giving in to its negative symptoms, and losing both myself and my grip on discipline in the process.
Advice I always give to everyone, not just those of us living with PMDD, is to avoid making decisions as a reaction to heightened negative emotions.
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More often than not, such decisions will lead to regret.
The issue with guilt is that it slowly erodes our self-esteem over time.
The condition has taught me a great deal, but most notably through my experiences.
I’ve learned that reactive actions can have serious consequences that may not be felt until much later.
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Moving Beyond the Mistakes
As I embarked on my journey of self-development and improvement, there was one principle I continually returned to.
Pause. Assess. Think ahead. Then act.
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When I feel down, I remind myself that a new product isn’t what I need to feel better.
If I’m craving junk food, I remember that those foods only provide short-term gratification, but usually carry long-term consequences.
And if I’m unhappy with what I see in the mirror, buying an expensive new wig won’t change much.
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After all, nothing about me has actually changed.
The aim is to bring into focus that the biggest change during my PMDD days isn’t my reality.
It’s solely the way I’m perceiving it.
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Over time, I started replacing emotionally driven reactions with more thoughtful, constructive decisions.
I learned to make better use with what I already had.
Instead of spending money on new wigs, I learned to refresh and reinvent my existing selection.
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Whenever my mood began to dip, I’d turn to something uplifting or humorous.
I would use positive content as a healthier way of helping to shift my mood.
Home workouts also became part of my routine.
An increase in my endorphin levels would help mitigate many of the negative emotions that previously influenced my reckless spending.
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I found healthier outlets and committed to them each month, whether I felt like it or not.
The principle was simple.
Good habits will always produce positive outcomes, so do them.
What began as deliberate responses to my condition gradually became ingrained habits, many of which remain a part of my life today.
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Progress Over Perfection
Your finances may not be where you’d like them to be and you may have found yourself facing serious financial hardship, just as I once did.
The first thing I’d encourage you to do is forgive yourself.
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To move forward, it’s important to release yourself from the burden of guilt.
Recognise that progress is much easier when you’re no longer carrying the weight of self-condemnation.
As women living with PMDD, we should not perpetually punish ourselves for the life-altering mistakes we may make under the influence of the condition.
However, we can certainly learn from them.
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The condition is already incredibly difficult to manage.
Punishing ourselves over past choices only makes our experience harder.
The time has come to let go, move forward, and focus your energy on building something better.
You can consciously decide on where you go from here.
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Like me, there may still be necessary repairs to make stemming from past decisions.
Develop a clear plan for improving your finances.
Educate yourself where necessary, and commit to taking small, consistent steps in the right direction.
Progress may not happen overnight, but every productive move you make from here on out brings you closer to regaining control of your future.
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If you’re single and worried about dating, try not to be.
Someone who genuinely cares for you will see far more than your struggles.
They will value the person you are beyond the condition, especially when you’re actively working towards better.
Don’t keep yourself mentally trapped by fears that haven’t happened.
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Summary
Experiencing financial difficulty does not imply that it’s the end of the world.
It may feel that way especially with PMDD constantly influencing our emotions and perceptions.
Instead, focus on channelling those negative emotions into healthier, more constructive outlets, as I mentioned earlier.
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The actions you take today may not feel rewarding in the moment, but your future self will thank you for consistently practicing habits that shaped a better life.
Actively focus on the future you want to create and commit yourself to the path that leads there.
As for the past, learn from it, grow from it, and leave it where it belongs — behind.
