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When you’re experiencing PMDD symptoms making rational decisions can be extremely hard.
To date, I would have to say this has been my biggest fight with each monthly episode.
Below are a few examples of the circumstantial questions I’ve been faced with along my PMDD journey.
Should I versus shouldn’t I?
Do I just want this versus do I need this?
Is this my person versus am I actually in love?
Is this job for me versus are my symptoms creating a warped reality of events?
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Decision making when you’re someone who experiences PMDD can affect all areas of life.
Normal emotional experiences are to be expected for most individuals facing life decisions, for example uncertainty and small bouts of anxiety.
For those of us with the condition however, these emotional responses become extremely heightened during our symptomatic days.
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When we lean into the intensity of our emotionally heightened symptoms during important life decisions, we can alter our lives quite dramatically – and not in a good way.
Before I begun fighting back my condition I used to be unhinged.
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Work Life Decisions
Life decisions that would arise during my bad weeks were met with impulsive reactional outcomes that would later affect me detrimentally.
You may have heard me cover this in one of my previous posts ‘PMDD & Finance’ where I detail how my financial state spiralled out of control due to the impact of symptomatic led responses.
Aside these, I later realised I found it difficult to maintain consistency with employment.
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Usual work stress during PMDD weeks felt like an unbearable nightmare.
Unable to cope with the demands of my job, I’d quickly sink into a hole which would leave me feeling overwhelmed, emotionally vulnerable, on edge and like a complete failure.
For a long time, the affects of my condition made me feel a deep level of embarrassment.
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Why was I struggling so badly to do the things other people could quite easily get on with.
Annoyingly but also to be expected, I’d only struggle severely during the worst of my symptoms.
Going through this cycle of despair each month would finally lead me to a summarised conclusion – that the job wasn’t for me.
And so, I’d leave and move to the next one only to experience the above all over again – eventually.
The effects of the condition on my decision making saw me pile up a very busy CV.
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Relationship Decisions
Dating was particularly problematic for me.
As I’d switch between being my usual self to enduring the full wrath of the condition, my perception of potential partners would alter in the same way.
One moment I’d admire everything about them and think deeply about the joy they added to my life.
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During PMDD weeks however, I’d feel an extra sense of vulnerability.
I’d take things to heart feeling severely rejected but equally, I’d become disproportionately irritated and could easily detach myself emotionally.
Consequently, I didn’t desire a lifelong relationship, marriage and certainly not kids.
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I felt I thrived best in minimal attachment situations where my potential partner would be available at the times best suited to my PMDD influenced lifestyle.
It wasn’t healthy.
I was unnecessarily binning connections with real potential and hurting the feelings of others in the process.
PMDD was controlling the way in which I made major decisions about my life and impacting my overall wellbeing as a result.
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PMDD-Friendly Perspective
We’ll have to make decisions throughout our time with the condition.
As I mentioned at the start, it’s probably one of the most challenging areas of life to balance with each monthly episode.
So how do we implement effective and safe decision making even when we’re experiencing our symptoms.
I have three approaches.
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No. 1
I choose to perceive the situation as logically as I can and choose an outcome based on a perception were I not experiencing symptoms.
- This takes practice and serious resilience because it’s choosing to act in a way that completely disregards heavily influenced PMDD feelings.
No. 2
I don’t. That’s right. If the symptoms are so extreme that I feel incapable of making a rational decision, I won’t make any decision at all – not until I’m PMDD free.
- This has worked extremely well for me for the past years preventing me from making choices that would otherwise alter my life altogether.
- Whether it’s been financial, relationship based, work-related or the like – if it can wait, I’d rather do nothing in the moment than do something I’ll later regret.
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No. 3
Obtain advice – from someone close who has a good understanding of the condition, that you’re comfortable being vulnerable with and who truly values your welfare.
- Most people will confide in a third party regarding their life problems but it’s particularly important for those of us with the condition.
- If I’m struggling with option 1 or 2, obtaining the opinion or advice of a third party can be invaluable.
- I might need someone who see’s things more clearly on my behalf and who can advise me in a way that will prevent me from jeopardising my own life.
If you don’t have anyone you can rely on in this way, feel free to contact me. You don’t have to struggle alone.
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Summary
Struggling with decisions when you’re someone with this condition doesn’t make you weak, an embarrassment, or a failure.
We’re simply women put in a position where we’re forced to survive ourselves each month.
I know you may feel far from it but that actually makes you a hero in your own right.
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Most people struggle severely with bouts of depression, anxiety or the like and we’re doing it every month.
You’re much stronger than you may be giving yourself credit for.
I’ve become something I never would have thought and primarily because of my continuous battle with this condition.
Every month is still a battle, but I can handle things many people can’t because of my experience living with it.
Knowing that, keeps me fighting.
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Leave your PMDD decisions of the past exactly where they need to be – in the past.
Focus on the today you and your journey moving forward.
Even if there are small slip ups along the way, don’t beat yourself up over them.
You’re living a life that most will never experience.
For all you’ve endured, it’s time to make your life count – so let’s keep fighting.
