Estimated Reading Time: 11 Mins
Own it like you mean it.
You may be wondering what I mean, and I’ll explain shortly but first, let me tell you a story.
One recent Sunday, my YouTube video was published as scheduled. I’d covered a topic I don’t frequent often – dating.
It was a short review of another video in which the speaker addresses deciphering the difference between being ‘liked’ and being chosen.
I won’t go into detail, but if you wish to view said video you can do so here.
Image by Joshua Miranda on pexels
This particular post was gaining a little traction.
Naturally, it also attracted a comment or two and when anyone leaves a comment, I receive an email notification.
One particular comment, really stood out.
You won’t find it under the mentioned video because I’ve since deleted it, and removed that user from gaining further access to my channel.
However, I still wanted to share the contents of their message as it’ll add context to this post.
(I’ll also be filming content on this in the coming weeks so if you’re keen, subscribe to my YouTube channel here to ensure you don’t miss out).
Image by Ivan Samkov on pexels
So, the said comment read as follows:
‘You have a cleft lip and palate. Maybe you should get the residual deformity fixed.’
This comment may disappoint you but honestly, it’s not anything I haven’t heard before.
I’ve had worse and previously touched on my experience in this previous post.
To point out the obvious, the said comment wasn’t constructive in any capacity for various reasons:
a) It’s inarguably obvious I’m aware of my own deformity.
b) This person doesn’t know me on a personal level to speak on something (which may have been sensitive) from a place of kindness – the intention was clear.
c) Their comment was unrelated to the content of the video itself.
Image by Alex Green on pexels
We all know these types of individuals exist, and I always knew putting myself in the spotlight could make me an easier target for ‘trolls’ as such.
The probability of receiving such unpleasant comments, played major part in why I delayed starting my channel for seven years.
(Today, I’m frustrated I didn’t start earlier).
The fear of what people may say wasn’t the real deterrent.
The continuous negative energy I was feeding my own insecurities was, therefore dictating my expectations and outcomes as a result.
Image by Inzmam Khan on pexels
People will have their opinions but I discovered that what I think, is what really matters.
I used to view my cleft lip and palate deformity as a tragic plague for which I was never destined to be beautiful.
This mindset controlled my life for a long time.
The insults and disrespect I was subjected too, were incomparable to the destructive things I’d say about myself.
I was trapped in a cycle of self-loathing.
Image by Andrea Piacquadio on pexels
The distasteful opinions of others would add to that, and I’d take those opinions as confirmation being I was right to despise my appearance.
And so, the cycle would go on.
Once I learnt to love myself however, the negative opinions of others became more and more meaningless to me.
They can say what they want but nothing will ever trump what I believe about myself to be true.
Image by Yan Krukau on pexels
When people exhibit attitudes like that of the individual I mentioned, it’s usually a deflection from their own state of unhappiness.
It’s not our job to minimise who we are for the gratification of others to feel better about themselves.
The deformity I was born with will never disappear.
It’ll always be a part of me so I can either choose to loathe it until I die, or I can choose to love it as a feature of what makes me extremely unique.
I think the path I’ve chosen is clear by now.
Image by Ron Lach on pexels
Working on my self-belief and confidence, caused my perspective to shift drastically over time.
I have this deformity but I’m bold with it.
It’s who I am and if certain individuals don’t like it, they always have the choice to click off because unfortunately for them, I won’t be going anywhere.
Image by freepik
I’ve openly shared videos about my deformity across my social platforms.
Something I would have avoided at all costs previously, yet I do it to educate some but inspire many.
Every one of us has something we feel could use a ‘little improvement’ – it’s human nature.
The depiction of what beauty is when it comes to our own life, however, should always be directed by us only – and positively.
No one else can do it on our behalf and we should never rely on the compliments of others (as nice as they may be), because those can change just as quickly.
Image by jcomp on freepik
If you lack confidence in yourself, it’s almost like providing a plain canvas on which others can draw their own design.
The less confidence within, the more space you provide to others to ‘fill the blanks’ and your confidence or lack thereof, simply becomes a reflection of what others have said.
When you build your confidence however, you fill that canvas yourself.
As you continue building, the blank spaces disappear and no room is left for what others think. What you believe, now overflows from within your core.
Negative opinions are simply brushed off and ‘returned to sender’.
Image by freepik
If I absorbed the insults hurled my way, their deflections from their own insecurities would have stunted my growth, my development and ultimately, halted my destiny.
No human should ever have power over another in such capacity.
We must never allow others to alter our view of ourselves, or to control who we can be or what we can do.
Your appearance is yours for life so you may as well own it like you mean it, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Image by stockking on freepik
Perfection doesn’t exist and those who tirelessly seek the phenomenon can drive themselves sick, end up living unhappy lives or at worst, feature in an episode of ‘Botched’.
It can be pretty upsetting to witness.
To put it into context, imagine I’d taken the negative comments to heart and as a result scheduled further reconstructive surgery (following the seven I’ve already had in my adolescence!).
What if the surgery had some complications and as a result, my deformity was visually worse off post-surgery.
Now, I’d be left unhappier than before and may even decide to abandon my social platforms altogether – all because of someone else’s opinion.
Someone I did not know in ANY capacity at that.
Image by freepik
The above may sound far-fetched but can equally be reality.
I found watching ‘Botched’ that many patients had relatable situations to some degree.
Their chase for perfection had only ended in further pain and increased insecurities, and these acclaimed surgeons became their last hope.
The point I’m trying to make is, we should channel our energy towards elevating and being the best version of ourselves – to work on what you’ve already got, and to make it work for you.
Invest time, love and appreciation into who you are because there’s only something wrong, if you perceive it that way.
Image by vecstock on freepik
For the things you’re not so fond of but have the power to improve like being overweight for example, start making little changes to get where you want to be.
Perhaps you have a deformity like me or a visible disability that has no direct resolve – in which case, it’s time to own it.
It’s not going anywhere so we may as well back it with our chest.
Image by freepik
You may wonder why I deleted the comment and removed the user from my channel, rather than returning with some rebuttal.
It’s quite simple really.
I choose where I channel my energy and spending it on individuals who mean me harm is only counterproductive.
I protect my peace, my focus, and will never allow anyone to draw me out of character or to dictate how I behave.
I control the person I am and will never hand that power to a third party.
They weren’t fond of my appearance, so I adjusted things in a way they’ll never need to see me again.
Image by freepik
I actually took inspiration from this occurrence and used the energy to create productive content.
How’s that for a rebuttal!
So, if there’s anything I want you to take away from this post, it’s to remember these four things:
- You are what you think – not what people tell you.
- Working on yourself increases self-confidence and self-belief (so get started).
- For anything you can’t change, learn to embrace it wholeheartedly. If the world doesn’t like it, that’s their issue not yours. Never apologise for your existence.
- God made you and He doesn’t make mistakes – be unapologetic in your authenticity, flaws and all.
I’m at peace with myself, how I look, and who I am and continue to do the work to maintain and elevate in my authenticity – you can too because, you are enough.
Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned Psalm 139:16
