Estimated Reading Time: 10 mins
When it comes to the working life, this has probably been one of the toughest areas to navigate in conjunction with the condition.
On my ‘normal days’ I’m energetic, productive, creative, confident and very efficient.
During the PMDD weeks however, I’d lose that sense of self and become excessively introverted.
Doing anything in groups, having to take lead, or be assertive, would become particularly difficult caused by the heightened anxiety.
The extreme contrast between these differing experiences, would both baffle and frustrate me.
Image by freepik
Odd One Out
High levels of stressful work can be uncomfortable for anyone.
For those of us with PMDD, it’s particularly difficult and can increase the intensity of negative emotions we experience at the time.
In my own experience, this struggle made me feel like a failure or that I wasn’t capable.
Negative thoughts would circulate in my mind.
“Why did I apply for this job, why am I struggling, why can’t I just be normal?”
As the mental torture proceeded, the effectiveness of my work would feel the ramifications of my internal uncertainties.
Image by DC Studio on freepik
Despite the above, I mastered the way I’d present externally – displaying a brave face over my conflicting state of mind.
Although this would get me through the difficult weeks endured at work, it would take its toll, and I’d find myself feeling drained and depleted.
When a woman with PMDD is experiencing severe emotional difficulty, and they feel compelled to behave as though nothings wrong, it can worsen our wellbeing further.
To face an environment that already comes with its stresses and worse yet, when we’re surrounded by people we feel can’t identify, is a tough position to be in.
We prefer quiet, private spaces that feel safe, feeling free to release our emotions without fear of judgement.
This was where I discovered home working roles were beneficial.
Image by freepik
I am grateful that most work places (at least in the UK), take a positive stance on wellbeing and mindfulness.
And rightly so, as many people are living unhappy lives thanks to the pressures of financial commitments and the economic climate in general.
Albeit exhilarating that good mental wellbeing is encouraged, it doesn’t take away from the fact most people will still hide their mental struggles.
If I show that side of myself what will people think? Will it put my job at risk? Will I make myself vulnerable?
These are some of the questions I also faced when it came to my condition.
Fearful of reactions and opinions, I chose to keep my mouth shut for many years.
The thought of jeopardising my finances in any way would impact the PMDD induced anxiety and so I continued wearing the mask.
Image by freepik
Stepping Out in Faith
There’s something I came to realise later – there’s actually strength in what we perceive as weakness.
Whilst at two previous places of employment, I had been in the process of managing my condition more effectively.
For the first time, I even noted my condition on my initial application, something I’d always avoided in the past.
By stepping out in faith and voicing myself, I realised I could actually raise awareness for those who had no knowledge of the condition.
Similarly, I could indirectly be a voice for other women and although my reach wasn’t global, it would still be effective.
Image by drazen zigic/freepik
Later, whilst there, I found windows of opportunity to explain the condition to work colleagues and noticed barely anyone had heard of it.
Some female colleagues would listen intently and follow up with me privately to ask further questions, wondering if this was the answer to their unknown experience.
I also went on to share the condition with third party organisations we worked with, until eventually, I was given the opportunity to join a work podcast focused on women’s health to speak about PMDD.
If I kept my condition quiet as I always had before, I would never have been able to spread awareness in the way I did.
Doing so, improved my in-work experience as it broadened the understanding and empathy of others.
Image by DC Studio/freepik
Hidden Struggles
For a long time, prior to making changes to improve life with the condition, I actually found it difficult to stick to one job.
I’d prematurely end employment if things felt too overwhelming.
My decision to leave was always made during PMDD week at the height of intense emotions.
There’s something I emphasise to my PMDD community in many of my videos – never make big decisions when the condition is active.
It’s likely to be emotionally led which you may end up regretting later like I did time and again as shared here.
Image by jcomp/freepik
Career goals can seem sporadic for those of us who have the condition because of the unreliable moods we experience.
I had many career aspirations brought to a halt because I would battle bouncing between my normal confident self, and my PMDD Alter Ego.
Eventually, life saw me desperately just trying to get through each month. As a result, my career aspirations took a back seat.
Today, because of the process I go through daily training my thoughts, my perception has changed.
Rather than thinking about what I haven’t achieved in terms of career ambitions or education, I focus on what I have.
The improvements I made to my life from within, saw me maintain my most recent roles for years at a time. I told myself it was OK to get comfortable in a role because for someone with this condition, that was an achievement in itself.
I really push myself today but at the time, I focused on making life more accommodating whilst I worked on improving my life with PMDD.
As things progressed, and life improved, I developed a desire to work for myself and as a result of all the suffering, I discovered my purpose.
Image by freepik
Fresh Perspective
Work doesn’t need to be daunting, and you don’t necessarily need to put yourself in the limelight like I did.
You do however, need to prioritise caring for yourself and must never struggle in silence.
If you’re finding work difficult during PMDD weeks, speak to someone at your workplace in confidence. Preferably your manager or if you have one, a wellbeing champion.
It should go without saying, but don’t forget to request they keep your conversation confidential.
Send this blog if it’ll help. Sometimes, when people hear the same message from a different source, it can support what you say.
You should be supported in your role in the best way possible but a lot of the time, people can’t help because they don’t know what you’re going through.
Image by freepik
Speaking out can help us gain the support we need.
If we’re not supported, or worse, met with reactions that worsen our experience, then it’s time to decide whether it’s worth continuing that position of employment.
I’ll leave you with this last thought, whatever it is that you do, do not suffer alone.
Support is available if you seek it so don’t be afraid to have a voice when it comes to your wellbeing.
