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Managing relationships when you’re someone who deals with PMDD is a tricky part of life. When we’re experiencing the symptoms, it’s often easy to deflect these emotions onto the people closest to us, simply because they’re around us most often during this time.
We can experience unusual levels of irritation and anger during this phase and it’s easy to indirectly take these emotions out on the people who love us most.
Consequently, we may jeopardise the relationships we have and in severe cases, those who love us may walk away because our behaviour has taken too much of a toll.
The people closest to us are usually our biggest supporters, and shoulders to cry on. When we exude these behavioural traits month on month, eventually, they can feel emotionally depleted. It’s crucial that we draw a level of consciousness to the behaviour we exhibit during this time and how it may be affecting them.
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As an example (PMDD aside), many years ago I was in a relationship with someone who suffered from a mental health difficulty. They hadn’t yet been formally diagnosed when we first met.
Their erratic behavioural changes towards me (as we were always together), is what made me realise they’re dealing with something significant.
Naturally, I became their emotional punching bag and eventually, after multiple episodes across the span of our relationship, I had had enough and chose to walk away.
I didn’t leave them because I wanted to leave them. I still loved them but I loved myself more. I valued peace of mind as I was already dealing with PMDD and could no longer cope with the additional emotional drainage.
More so however, there wasn’t a noticeable desire from them to take real action once they were formally diagnosed.
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I had already self-diagnosed with PMDD when we met and they knew the difficulties I experienced with the condition. I always made a conscious effort however, to not allow my condition to impact them or our relationship.
I’d always think twice before taking any action based off my unpredictable emotions during the bad weeks. At this point in our relationship, I was already in the process of researching things I could do to help myself.
I was experimenting with changing my diet, getting physically active, avoiding the consumption of negative TV and social media content etc. The point is, I was constantly trying to do something about my condition, because I wanted to have a fruitful loving relationship.
This same level of effort for themselves and for our relationship was absent on their end, and that became the deal breaker. This is why I left. I left because you will never be able to help someone who doesn’t desire to help themselves.
Any type of mental health condition can be difficult to deal with but there has to be a willingness, a desire, that comes from the sufferer to want better and to seek better at all costs.
If not, the condition you deal with won’t just affect you but will ripple through your life and affect those around you. It’s better to have the support of others then none at all. A conscientious effort to sustain relationships is necessary, for everyone involved.
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I’ve previously read posts on the Reddit and Quora platforms by the partners of women with PMDD seeking support because they’re at wits end with their relationship, due to how it affects them.
Reading these posts is why I decided to write this particular blog and I’ve previously shared a video on helpful things a partner should know when dating a woman with PMDD here.
If you’re dating someone with PMDD, or perhaps you’re a friend or family member of a woman with PMDD, I would kindly entreat you to exert as much patience as possible.
Even if this woman in your life is taking her own steps to help manage her condition, it’s going to take some time before the fruits of her labour manifest in her life. It involves a lot of trial and error. I say this from my own experience in finding what worked for me.
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During this time, we just need your continued support and patience – it’s invaluable to us. This is what my family have done for me whilst I’ve been on this journey and now, they’re proud of where I am today.
They all know the condition is there yet the way I manage it has changed dramatically. They get to experience the real me, more often. If they had given up on me, my journey would look very different and this post would not exist so please, a little more patience and support, can go a long way.
If you’re someone who deals with PMDD, as I mentioned earlier, do everything possible to exert a higher level of consciousness around the way you may behave towards others during your difficult days. It won’t be easy, but is necessary in sustaining harmony with those who care for you most.
As you feel certain emotions, talk it out with them in that moment. Let them know how you’re feeling and acknowledge you’re aware it’s the condition. I would have these candid conversations with my family and it would bring unexpected relief. I touched on this in one of my Instagram reels here.
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As a rule of thumb, I avoid acting out of emotion during PMDD weeks because it can be tough for those around me.
On the contrary, I act opposite to how I feel to act because that’s usually the right thing to do, and would typically be my response if the condition wasn’t affecting me.
It will take a lot of practice and an even larger amount of patience, but the more you redirect your actions during the tough weeks, the easier it becomes. It’s a method I use that’s indirectly been training my brain, minimising previous impulsive tendencies.
I no longer follow my emotions during PMDD days. I begin with the right actions and let my emotions catch up instead. It’s easier said than done but believe me, if you continue doing this, it will become habit and you’ll indirectly restructure the effects of PMDD on your life.
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Your loved ones likely care for you deeply. They see the amazing you, the you that flourishes when PMDD is absent. Don’t allow the condition to jeopardise what you have.
You can slowly learn to control it by taking the actions I mentioned above. Allow them to see the real you more often than not. The real you has every right to be the main feature in your life.
In my book club page, I’ve reviewed a particular book which has really helped me in training my mind called ‘The Power of Your Subconscious Mind’ (please note this is an affiliate link – so if you purchase I receive a small commission at no cost to you).
I encourage you to obtain a copy for yourself so you can experience what has become my new normal. Your wellbeing and relationships are worth the effort.
