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Please note – this post contains descriptions of PMDD related suicidal ideation that some may find distressing. Please read with caution.
The alarms rings, it’s a battle to wake up. Every step I take feels like I’ve taken 10,000. Tasks I usually do with ease have become a complete struggle and any free moment I get, I just want to sleep.
If I could sleep for a few days in a row and wake up when it’s all over, that would be ideal.
PMDD fatigue is nothing to be taken lightly. For those of you reading this who don’t personally experience the condition, think back to when you had a serious case of the flu.
Or perhaps, you had the unfortunate opportunity of experiencing Covid related fatigue. This is what Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder related fatigue feels like.
The only real difference being, we experience it – every month.
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You’ll notice across my PMDD blog posts, I tend to focus on the severe emotional symptoms of the condition.
I chose to focus on this physical symptom however, due to it’s detrimental effects and the popularity of one specific video I published regarding PMDD related fatigue in 2022.
It’s of serious concern to a large population of our community, to the point some sources of information have given it focus. Save this particular article by Healthline to have a read later. They give additional tips on how to battle this symptom aside the ones I’ll share in this post.
PMDD related fatigue is more disruptive to a woman’s life then I personally feel, most people can fathom. It was the one element of the condition, I found detrimental to my life than any other physical symptom.
Think about it this way. If you feel too exhausted to do anything, you’ll struggle to do just that – anything. It’s not simply a small bout of tiredness; it’s excessive, extreme exhaustion.
It can be so debilitating that even in current day, I’m forced to schedule it into my routine to avoid any ripple effect on my life in general.
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I’m so much further improved then where I was previously. I eat well, I exercise regularly, I constantly practice optimism and I’m constantly developing my faith in God.
Even with the progress I’ve made, PMDD fatigue is still the biggest part of my monthly battle with the condition.
For someone like me who lives all these disciplines and feels at their optimum, you can imagine how the symptom may affect other women. PMDD fatigue in combination with the other debilitating emotional symptoms, ruined my life in past years.
It’s not just the exhaustion either. It’s the life implications that the fatigue can have on a woman. Let me put it into perspective by going back to my past for a moment.
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During those horrendous two weeks, I’d be too tired for even the basics. Washing dishes, hoovering, shopping, cooking and even bathing or getting myself dressed. I’d be sat in mess and I’d look a mess.
Concentrating on anything would be a heavy task making it difficult to keep up with the demanding nature of my job. God forbid anyone invited me anywhere, I’d simply be too exhausted to leave the house let alone drive. It was already a struggle walking from room to room.
During those times, I can remember the most I could handle was walking from my room to use the bathroom and back. On my return to the bed, I’d feel as though I’d ran a full lap – this is no exaggeration.
If a friend or relative asked me how I was or what I was up too, I’d lie because I was too embarrassed to admit the difficulties.
I’d respond to say I was taking it easy, or working on some things and would plaster unsuspecting happy emojis at the end to avoid raising any concerns. I didn’t want to burden anyone so kept the debilitating disruption to myself.
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It didn’t end there. I’d criticise myself for the level of neglect I was demonstrating. The knock-on effect on my mental wellbeing was phenomenally catastrophic.
I’d tell myself I was useless, a waste of space and weak for feeling like this. The little remaining self-worth I had, I ripped to shreds. Laying there teary eyed and depressed, I became exhausted with life itself.
When life reached its absolute worst, I applied for Personal Independence payments. A type of benefit in the UK for people with disabilities.
I was struggling to keep it together but couldn’t simply give up work, for fear of falling into serious financial hardship. I had a mortgage, bills, a car to maintain – I was single, depended on myself, and couldn’t just freely walk away to take time out for myself.
Combine the potential of severe debt with the condition and it could have been a recipe for serious disaster.
My spending habits relating to the condition were already causing unnecessary stress. (I’ve detailed more about this in my blog post ‘PMDD & Finance’).
The Department for Work and Pensions who oversee and assess such benefit claims like that of PIP, rejected my application.
The condition is cyclical and lasts up to two weeks each month. The other two weeks, I felt fine as is the nature of PMDD. Subsequently, they awarded me no points and my application for financial support based on this condition was denied.
I was crushed.
I had a real debilitating condition but was on my own, with no assistance from the government despite decades of diligent work, living honestly and tax contributions. I felt abandoned at my most crucial time of need.
To make matters worse, their written response came during PMDD week. I didn’t have the mental capacity to read the entire reasoning for their decision.
I was already dealing with the added depression and anxiety symptoms. I just saw the rejection, cried and put the letter out of sight. With no emotional strength to fight and appeal their decision, I continued feeling alone and without hope.
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So what changed? You may be wondering.
Well, if you’ve read my full introduction on my Homepage, you’ll note I stated ‘Desperation’ was the catalyst for change. Aside PMDD, life overall was falling apart. The condition was an ongoing contributing factor.
I’m thankful to this day for the helpline with Samaritans. I had spoken to them on a few occasions when I wanted to end it all. I’d simply had enough but didn’t want to traumatise my loved ones, so I prayed but I also called and spoke to someone.
The people I spoke to at Samaritans really listened and displayed real compassion. One or two just listened to me cry and gave me reassuring words. It was all I needed at that time.
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Before I continue, if you’re a woman with PMDD, I want to be that voice for you.
Your struggles do not go unseen. Even if people don’t know or understand what you truly experience, God does. Whether you believe he exists or not, he loves you unconditionally. I love you from afar and You, are not alone.
If you’re struggling with suicidal ideation and it’s becoming progressively worse, I would really encourage you to please speak to someone – a suicidal prevention helpline in your region, or someone you trust.
Don’t allow the condition to rob this earth of such a beautiful, spirited person. You’re meant to be here, you deserve to be here, you were born with real potential and things can get better.
So let me continue and share a little more about how I handle this side of the condition in present day.
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The main work for me began when I simply decided that it’s me, or this condition. Despite how hopeless things felt overall, I simply refused to back down.
Although it previously presented the most challenging times in my life, it has greatly contributed to the emotional strength I have today. The passion with which I speak across my platforms, has been inspired from the life I use to live with the condition.
Any woman who deals with PMDD, is a lot stronger than the condition would have her believe. To coexist with it and continue life as normal takes a serious level of resilience and endurance.
As far as I’m concerned, we’re an army of warriors. I have the greatest level of respect and admiration for every woman in our community because what we endure, is not easy in any capacity.
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As mentioned earlier, PMDD fatigue is the biggest part of my monthly struggle to date. I’ve developed what some may view as a military type approach with the actions I take to counter act it. It’s not because I want to, but because I know it’s the only route to better.
I’ll be honest, it’s taken time and serious dedication but I’ve stayed consistent. Doing so has made it easier to continue implementing the actions and the severity of the condition, has dwindled to the point the fatigue is all I deal with most months.
I’ve changed a lot about myself. It’s been essential for my life in general, but has had great influence on how the condition affects me – which isn’t much.
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Three of the major things I wanted to share with you when it comes to the fatigue are as follows.
Firstly, I work out regularly, no matter how I feel.
I attend the gym early mornings 3-4 times a week. During PMDD weeks specifically, I focus on strength training more than the rest of the month.
I don’t know why working my muscles has such a positive effect, but it does. Here’s a great article by Psychology Today on The Mental Health Benefits of Strength Training I’d encourage you to read.
Secondly, I’m now very strict with the food I consume (more so than I’ve mentioned in my earlier YouTube videos). Previously, I practiced this discipline during the bad weeks but I’ve gotten to the point it’s now part of everyday life.
Avoiding junk foods during the down weeks is tough especially because many of us experience severe food cravings. Mine were sugary and salty foods. I’ve eliminated them altogether for the most part, and only have them on special occasions or, when a tiny amount might be necessary i.e a little salt in a stew etc.
Aside that, I don’t buy anything I know won’t be good for me. So even if I’m craving, there’s nothing available in the kitchen and I steer clear of takeaway apps. On the rare occasion that I do order, it’ll always be a healthy option.
I ensure I always have good quality food available so it’s easier to avoid external temptations. I’m a big fan of pre-made meals as I’ve touched on regarding Frive (formerly Lion’s Prep) via my fitness page.
Lastly, when it comes to managing the fatigue I wake up early, take deep short naps when I have gaps (if I’m at work this would be during my break), and I sleep earlier than usual.
The gym tires me out so sleeping early when I’m already fatigued from the condition, is very easy. I’ll get to bed around 9pm and be up just after 6am so I get a good 9 hours. With my day nap and the gym, the combination helps me stay refreshed, vibrant and effective.
I reprioritise my tasks and where possible always try to get ahead so when I do run out of energy, the most important things are already done.
There have been occasions when I still felt a little guilty for not completing all daily tasks but it’s nothing like before. I’ve made allowance for slight setbacks and remind myself that I’m doing really well irrespective. I focus on the wins.
The routine I have has taken a lot of discipline. Working out when I’m seriously fatigued is my most difficult life practice.
Knowing what the fatigue of the condition was doing to me however, forced me to find specific structure to help me manage it better – and it has.
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Improving life with PMDD won’t happen overnight.
If you practice a little and keep practicing however, that little will become large and things will start to look very different. Life won’t just become more manageable, it’ll be more enjoyable.
Here’s another article by Flo on ways to fight the fatigue you may find helpful. They’ve reiterated a few of the things I’ve mentioned.
It’d be wonderful if someone just created a cure already right? Well, whilst there isn’t one available as yet, let’s continue putting in the work ourselves. Remember that I’m fighting the condition alongside you.
We cannot give up on us. For us, for those who love us, and for the next generation of those diagnosed with the condition who may become inspired by our journeys.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
