Estimated Reading Time: 6 mins
No one will ever criticise you, more than you’ll criticise yourself. It’s just the way human nature tends to work.
Have you ever had someone label you or spout their negative opinion about something you’re doing? I think we’ve all experienced this at some point in life.
What I’d like to point out is, it’s not what they say that matters, but how you receive what they say and whether you take it to be fact or not.
People will always have something to say, those who don’t know you and those who do. Whatever they say, can only have an impact in our lives when we choose to accept the words spoken.
image by monstera production/pexels
You may have already heard me explain about the tumultuous school life I had growing up. I was born with a facial deformity known as Cleft Lip & Palate and was called every name under the sun in my childhood – flat nose, bent lip, ugly, just to name a few.
Children are impressionable and so to constantly hear these opinions in my tender ages, had a catastrophic effect on my self-esteem growing up. As an adult, I had to do the necessary work to reverse the negative labels.
No one expects a child to go on a journey of self-growth and development – by no means. They rightly deserve the opportunity to enjoy their youth and innocence.
Unfortunately however, children don’t always have a say regarding their social environments. The image shaming I was subjected to across my school life, took a hold. I continued to grow having these opinions in my mind as though they were mine.
image by freepik
The negative thoughts captivated my life for years. One summer, I spent a lot of time with one of my friends. We were approximately eighteen at the time. I’d met her about one to two years prior through another friend.
Making our way to town, she turned and asked me why I liked to dress as a boy. Her assumption was accurate. I was in no way a ‘girly’ girl, but rather quite the tomboy in appearance.
Always in trousers, baggy t-shirts and wearing head covers, I’d hide away as much as I could from the eyes of others. I was afraid to live in my femininity because my perception was, the world had told me I wasn’t pretty. So, I acted accordingly. I had disqualified myself from the opportunity to live in my feminine aura.
I turned to my friend and explained, I just found this way of dressing more comfortable. I didn’t dare bring up my real reasoning because I somehow felt embarrassed. I was ashamed of the verbal abuse I had suffered in the years prior.
image by ketut subiyanto/pexels
My friend turned to me and said, “you’re so pretty I don’t understand why you hide. You’ve got a lovely smile, amazing legs..” and she continued to reel off all these features. There were so many wonderful things about me she admired. She said she wished she had what I had. Naturally, I was taken back.
We had taken a trip to Camden Town in North West London. She would dress us both up from one store to the next.
I tried a few outfits, looked in the mirror and slowly, my perception of me started to change. As I continued to embrace myself, I started to see what she saw. I had suppressed myself on the account of soiled and watered negative thoughts, planted by others. I was beginning to break myself free from self-criticism.
I saved up more money, and continued buying more feminine clothes. My confidence gradually began to grow.
image by sam-lion/pexels
I had shorted myself for so long, because of what others had said about me. I subjected my mindset to their words, and acted in accordance with what I believed at the time, to be true.
This particular friend, helped change the lens with which I viewed myself. I’ve never changed lenses since. It goes to show how positive affirmations can be edifying to one’s soul. My lens of self-perception intensified with confidence, and a strong sense of self.
Like most, I still have my little insecurities but I choose to see the beauty. I believe in this belief with such conviction, no one can alter my opinion about me.
image by polina-tankilevitch/pexels
Being a recipient of criticism or negative opinions, will always happen in life. You can minimise the chances by being selective about the company you keep.
It’s impossible however, to eradicate all chances of encountering some form of negative opinion, whether yours or another’s. What matters most, is how you process your reactional thoughts. I’ve shared more about this in one of my YouTube videos here.
If I said to you, water is illuminous yellow, you would correct me and confirm this is false. You’ll correct me with conviction because we can all see water with our naked eye, and clearly, it is not illuminous yellow.
image by monstera production/pexels
The point I’m making is, you must be so convicted in knowing who you are, what you can do and how beautiful you are that when someone tells you different, you refute their words.
You must know without a doubt, anything they state about you that doesn’t align with who you know yourself to be, is inaccurate and false. No one should know you, more than you know you.
It’s a process of increasing your self-belief to the point that it’s immovable. You are your own music label and you own all the rights to the rhythm of your life.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism, especially if you’re anything like I use to be – a perfectionist. That in itself, was an unhealthy way to live. As soon as anything fell slightly outside of my expectations, I would come down heavy on myself and tear myself to shreds, mentally.
image by andrew neel/pexels
This is how we become our own worst critics. We take negative thoughts, whether our own or that of others, and we implement them in our life. To the point we sincerely believe it.
The truth is, once you hear negative words spouted at you, you’re the gatekeeper to your mind. Whether you accept and regurgitate the negativity, is your responsibility. You must keep watch and choose to reject anything that doesn’t align with who you know yourself to be.
The opinions of others can cause us damage, only when we take them and apply them, as though they are fact. Never give anyone that much power over your life.
image by fauxels/pexels
If criticising yourself can cause so much damage to your wellbeing, just imagine the life you can live if you choose to do the opposite – consistently.
Granted, self-analysis and critical thinking are crucial parts of personal growth and development. They should always however, be constructive. There’s no benefit in taking steps to destroy your ego. We should endeavour to build ourselves up, always.
If you make mistakes, learn from them. If you fall, get back up. If you lose, find a way to win the next time round. You must consistently and diligently, show up for you. These practices contribute in building your self-confidence so negative opinions will have less and less impact.
Words can be powerful, if we choose to plant, water and fertilise them. Grow the wheat, discard the chaff.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21
