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The hardest part of releasing trauma is being able to forgive the wrongdoer and sometimes, that can include you.
Traumatising experiences can be difficult to overcome and it’s possible to feel like you’ve moved on but in many cases, we bury the memories of the experience deep in our mental archives.
On reflection, having to properly deal with the experiences, equated to bringing it back to life and subjecting myself to the same emotional torture I felt at the time.
By avoiding this process, I thought I was helping myself which was to the contrary. The buried pain was subtly and slowly, affecting all areas of my life.
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It’s a painful step to take but the benefits far outweigh the emotional burden that comes with holding on. Did you know that hidden unresolved trauma and holding onto resentment can be linked to physical illness. Here’s an article by the Psychology Today group on the correlation of the two.
Our body is a key signal of our emotional and mental state. Those who spend most of their life being optimistic and cheerful will live longer than those who spend the majority of their life in emotional pain and pessimism. This study by the National Library of Medicine gives a summary.
Releasing trauma allows you to unburden yourself, free your mind and live a life without limitations. Holding onto trauma and pain unconsciously restricts your own ability to live in your full potential.
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There are no benefits that come with holding onto trauma, pain and resentment. Think of it this way, when people do us harm, it’s like a perpetrator shooting a person with a gun.
The perpetrator leaves with no injury, but the person who has been shot lays there in agony and pain feeling their life slipping away, unless they receive urgent medical assistance. This is an analogy my mother told me as a child I’ve never forgotten.
When we harbour past traumas, pain and resentment, it’s like being a gunshot victim who won’t allow for the bullet to be removed (metaphorically speaking).
The longer we hold onto the pain, the longer the bullet remains and the more damage it does over time. Meanwhile, the perpetrator has left the scene unscathed.
When we refuse to forgive and release the pain of trauma, and we hold onto resentment and bitterness, we indirectly give the perpetrator power over our life.
They may no longer be present to dictate what we do on a daily basis as such, but the aftermath we’re harbouring, prevents us from living in our true authenticity. We prevent ourselves from being able to fully explore and experience the full capacity of our God given capabilities.
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The pain can affect our perception of life and future relationships. Those who bear any likeness to that of a past perpetrator are subconsciously blacklisted. We judge people before they’ve had an opportunity to show us who they are.
We build a wall around us to protect our emotions at all cost, a learnt instinct deriving from those past experiences.
We view the world with a pessimistic lens, always expecting the worse or anticipating good experiences will be mixed with a touch of unpleasantness.
Fight or flight mode are constantly on standby and we constantly feel on edge. We avoid openness and vulnerability because affording trust to people is no longer an option and becomes a classified risk. Real relaxation, tends to feel like an underserving luxury.
I’ve just described the type of life, I personally use to live due to unresolved trauma and resentment. It’s a rather unfortunate way of living that became my every day existence.
Similarly, if it wasn’t for these experiences and the work I’ve done to move to a significantly better place, I wouldn’t be here. Like they say, there’s light at the end of the tunnel – as long as you don’t get trapped in it.
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This post is to encourage you to seek the benefits of forgiveness in the hope that you choose to implement it. Depending on how your journey has been, it may take some time before you’re willing. It’s all a choice and my encouragement, is that you choose you. I previously spoke about the power of forgiveness in one of my Instagram reels here.
The perpetrator may not deserve your forgiveness but you do. You deserve the right to free your soul from the bondage of pain and anguish. You deserve the right to live unhindered in your pursuit of happiness. Inner healing, is beneficial to living a more fulfilled life.
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My path to real healing, began with seeking God firstly, then speaking to someone second. I sought after God because I needed grace. In the midst of the hurt, I truly wanted to ask him to strike my foes although, I didn’t. I was willing to be made willing because above all else, I wanted to be free. It was time to move forward.
Following that, I attended counselling sessions, then cognitive behavioural therapy. CBT was particularly useful, as it initiated my interests in matters of the mind. It was a major step into my continued journey as you see it today.
The process of reprogramming my way of thinking for the better, is a commitment I’ve chosen to embark on for the long-term. The benefits I’ve reaped to my wellbeing are invaluable and my hope is, others discover the same and truly live.
There’s a book I read which I found instrumentally eye-opening called Healing the Child within by Charles L Whitfield. Much of the trauma I experienced, was during my younger years and this book explores it all. I’ve listed it in my Book Club and highly recommend it. It may just change your life.
Choose forgiveness, release resentment and set yourself free.
