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Body confidence & self-confidence are very much intertwined. They can also however, act as separate entities. In my experience, self-confidence helped improve my body confidence.
We all have our insecurities great and small. Social media has been a mechanism by which many have fallen prey to the mental burden of comparison. This has subconsciously increased the severity of existing insecurities, for masses of people.
Many wish they could change things about themselves. Their height, weight, shape of their ears or nose, the list goes on. The scrutinous way in which we view ourselves, is usually a leading influence on how others view us.
Innately, we will always be our own worst critics but it’s how we self-manage these negative thoughts of ourselves that really matters. The idea is to accept who you are, apply aligned positive thinking, and solidify these thoughts with intentional actions.
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In my younger years, I’d avoid cameras at all costs and absolutely loathed my smile. I was so conscious about my cleft lip and palate deformity. Without realising, I’d allowed this insecurity to dictate my life.
Years on, I’ve evolved from that mindset of insecurity to boldly plastering myself online. My face, being the main feature. My inner fear became the means by which I’d live out my passion in life. It all stems from your mindset and consequently, your perception of yourself.
As a result of this deformity, I’d received NHS treatment and underwent multiple surgical operations for most of my upbringing. I grew to realise, it’s not the deformity, but the way in which I view myself that would influence how others view me.
I learnt to accept and embrace how I looked, because the surgeries provided improvement, but not my desired ‘fix’. After my final surgery at 20 years, I was advised I could request further revisions in future, if my self-esteem suffered. I never have.
No amount of surgery would alter my perception of myself, because it was my mindset. It’s what I believed to be true about myself. Now, others see the beauty I see in me.
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I worked my way from one end of the confidence spectrum, suffering low self-esteem, to the other end. Loving myself and holding myself in high regard. I still have cleft lip and palate. Nothing changed, except my mindset.
Loving yourself, is a crucial part of living a fulfilled life. You’re essentially stuck with the body, face, and image you have. You can either allow circumstances to get you down and upset, or, you can find ways to make your circumstances work to your benefit.
It’s a process of walking in gratitude for the person that you are. You’re not a carbon copy of anyone else. We might have strong family resemblances with others but aside that, there’s literally only one us.
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If I’d continued to embrace a negative perception of myself, my online presence would be non-existent.
I think about people like you who may find inspiration in the content I share. The women who suffer from PMDD looking for answers and those trying to find a better path in life.
I could have been so caught up in how I looked, that fear of the opinions of others, would have halted my voice altogether. To bury the person I’m meant to be because of internal fear, would have been tragic.
Being conscious, or feeling low about how you look, affects more than just the way you might feel about yourself. It can ripple into other areas of your life and neutralise your potential.
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You may feel scared to have eyes on you, or stop yourself from pursuing something you’re passionate about because it means being in the spotlight. Fear stopped me in my tracks in 2014. It wasn’t until 2022 that I finally started filming.
Low self-esteem may also affect how you perform in your job. If you’re constantly dealing with people, this may mean a certain level of exposure to others and how you feel about yourself, can be contagious.
If you aren’t confident in who you are, you exude that energy which can be felt by others. We shouldn’t, but we all judge a book by it’s cover in one way or another and how you see yourself, is how others will see you.
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Have you ever met someone and had an initial negative bias about the person. However, as you speak to them and know them more, you feel won over and it simultaneously, subconsciously, increases your perception of their physical beauty.
I’ve always found this fascinating. What it showed me, is beauty does tend to lie in the eyes of the beholder. What the beholder sees however, is fashioned and influenced by that persons aura and perception of themselves.
When I previously thought I was unattractive, everything about my body language and persona exuded this energy. People I’d meet would think the same (even if they didn’t say it out loud) I could sense it. My nervousness about myself, would make them nervous and uneasy too.
The formula hasn’t changed, people still see me how I see me. What has changed, is how I see me, so now, the way they interact with me has altered from what it use to be.
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In my blog post ‘Taking Yourself Seriously’, I spoke about being seriously overweight at some point in my life, and how I would embrace it. I went on to mention that sometimes, having this confidence when we know things aren’t right can lead to self-stagnation.
You should absolutely love the person you are because self-love is essential, and I stand by that. If however, you know there are things you could improve, then, you should.
I spoke specifically about weight in that post but what I’m saying, can apply to anything. Life should always be a cycle of self-improvement. Doing so, ensures you’re always at your best and will indirectly tie into your level of self-worth.
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In our current day, if you’re fortunate enough to have the financial means, and you don’t like something about your body, you can pay to change it. This is great for some, but for most, it’s just not an option. I’ve watched a few programmes about cosmetic surgery and people who have chosen to go under the knife.
What I found interesting in some cases, is that, people can undergo procedures of this kind and will be wanting to either repeat the same surgery type, or may find another problem with their body, they feel could benefit from surgical work.
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Most of us have seen the US TV show ‘Botched’. Individuals who feature may have previously had surgery which went wrong, so they’ve attended the show for these celebrity surgeons to remedy their problem, as their confidence has been impacted.
In other cases, you find people who immediately look like they’ve already had multiple surgical procedures and yet feel, there’s still room for further improvement. With both types of individuals, I found the running theme was their self-confidence and/or, their perception of themselves.
For those who genuinely wanted the doctors to fix a previous botched job, it was affecting how they perceived themselves. For those who already had so much work, it was a matter of how they perceived themselves too.
When it comes to cosmetic surgery, I believe everyone has the right to do what they feel is right for them although, I’ll always advocate doing what you physically can yourself first.
Surgery is best to look at as a last resort. I say this because when you’ve tried things on your own, your decision is less likely to be impulsive. At that point, you will have given it serious thought and carried out the necessary extensive research.
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I’ve digressed a little but in essence, if you’re not happy with something, try to do something about it (if possible), but always embrace the person you are regardless.
As an example, I begun investing in my natural nails which were previously unkept and in an overall bad state. I managed to look after them day after day to a point that I started receiving compliments.
I took advantage of my YouTube channel and shared my nail care with others seeking to do the same. Surprisingly, these videos have been amongst my most popular to date.
I also started to invest in my hair. As a woman of African descent, I had explored many different hairstyles and damaged the roots at the crown of my head which had gravely thinned. This was affecting my confidence.
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I decided to find a non-invasive remedy and invested in hair growth oils recommended to me by my best friend. I used the oils consistently for some months and have seen this area of my hair is being restored.
As you can imagine, it’s boosted my feel good factors. I’ve shared photos on my products recommendation’s beauty page and will publish a video on my YouTube channel as a means of helping others with similar problems soon.
Looking after your appearance doesn’t need to be about vanity, to the contrary, it’s about self-perception, self-confidence and ties into your self-worth.
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There are many moving parts when it comes to confidence overall. As I said at the beginning, body confidence usually works hand in hand with self-confidence so it’s important to always be the best version of you, for the sake of your wellbeing.
When you love yourself, you’ll look after yourself. When you’re looking after yourself, you improve how you feel about yourself. It’s a cycle of one feeding into the other however, the foundation will always be rooted in your mindset and your perception of you.
Pay attention to the external but the internal work is critically important. Whether you have self-confidence or, you’re still a work in progress, you must continuously speak life to yourself.
Even if at first you don’t believe it, you act in faith by speaking and thinking it anyway. Do this persistently and intentionally with your actions. The belief will increase and eventually, you’ll truly believe it. Others will too.
